I just finished watching another Nigerian movie where a married couple (Bayo and Nike) were having trouble conceiving.
a year after getting married, nosey friends and family members were
already wondering why she wasn't pregnant yet. Are you eating
vegetables? Are you having sex during ovulation? You have gained weight, are you expecting? Questions came from
every corner and no one seemed to care if the questions were inappropriate or
Fast forward to 24months after the wedding and people
stopped asking questions and instead went ahead to utter mean comments
to Nike. She must have been promiscuous when she was younger, perhaps
she had aborted all her children...As a result, Nike soon became
withdrawn and avoided family events...
The final straw was when
Bayo's mum came to visit them from the village and brought along a young
girl for her son....She claimed the girl was from a good home and would
be able to conceive quickly. After all, she was growing older and wanted
to see her grandchildren before she died.. she said....
was angry and asked her husband to talk to his mum and send the village
girl packing...But to her disbelief, Bayo didn't do that..Instead, he
said he didn't want to upset his mum and would talk to her later about
sending the girl away....
It was as if Bayo was being
remote-controlled...Soon he started saying it was important for him to
have kids and he didn't want to die without having a child to carry on
his name...After-all, he had impregnated a girl when he was in
University and as a result, he was sure he was fertile...
was hurt and disappointed!!! Not only was she not aware that Bayo had
impregnated anyone in the past, but now Bayo was starting to sound more
like his mother. What happened to marriage being for better for worse??
Was the inability to conceive enough to counter all the marriage vows??
turned into weeks and soon enough Bayo was spending most nights with
the village girl in the room assigned to her in the hope of having a
baby....To cut the long story short, the village girl never conceived
and it was discovered that Bayo was actually the one with the low sperm
count...Nike moved on and remarried someone else and went on to have
The story is a very familiar one here in
Nigeria and there is always pressure on married couples especially the
woman who is expected to get pregnant within the first year of marriage.
Some even prefer if the couple are expecting before the wedding.
truth is that in Nigerian society, most people assume if a couple is
having delay with conception, it must be a problem with the
woman...People conclude she must have had lots of abortions or
contracted infections in the past which affected her reproductive
Strangely enough, women are usually the
culprit in harassing other women about delays in conceiving. The ones
responsible for mean comments are usually women and hardly is it a man.
And if an investigation is done, you will find that the same woman who
makes the mean comments also had difficulty or delay in conceiving..It
is almost like women want to ensure other women go through the same
difficult experience they had....!!!
that life is not fair.....I know many women who were promiscuous and
some even had several abortions..only to get married and deliver twins
within a year or some have several kids after....On the other hand, I
also know of women who married as virgins and waited for 7years or more
to have children. It really has nothing to do with how good a person
Ultimately, God decides if and when a couple will
have children. It is important for us as a society to understand that
Children are GIFTS from God and not a result of how good a person
is or has been!! We should refrain from making insensitive comments to couples trying to conceive. If it is not kind, don't say it. If you are genuinely concerned, get on your knees and pray for the couple and watch God perfect it in due time....
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