When are you planning to have baby?
As much as this question may appear normal for some women / couples, it can be quite upsetting for others struggling with infertility….
I hear this question way more times than I can care to remember and always wonder why people feel the need to ask….If I wanted to share, I would and if I haven’t, then I would appreciate if people will just respect that and not mention it…
In a society like Nigeria and probably many others, having children 9months right after the wedding is encouraged and even during the wedding ceremony, countless people pray for the upcoming celebration in 9months….When the 1st year passes, people will start making comments like are you still in the honeymoon phase? Best to get the babies out now so you can move on to other things….You know you are not getting any younger….You know its best to have kids when you are young so you can have the energy to play with them….
By the 2nd year, people will graduate to more annoying comments, like I hope you are not stressing yourself….Are you guys trying the proper way? Are you taking your vitamins? Do you know when the fertile time of the month is?….Have you gone to see a doctor? Mind you, most of these comments are directed at the woman…who of course must be the problem…!!!
Then there are the awkward prayers each time they speak to you…how you will now start becoming fertile going forward…!!! Mind you, I have no problem with prayers…when it comes from a good place…but the reality is that when I hear prayers from people who have shown they cannot be trusted and I know they do not have my best interests at heart, it is kind of weird…And I struggle with saying Amen to such prayers…Instead I say thank you as that feels more appropriate….
If you are lucky enough to still be trying to conceive (ttc) in the 3rd year, Oh my…how things will change….Now people will actually wonder why you are still happy, why are you attending parties? Shouldn't you be somewhere crying your eyes out and wondering why your life is so miserable …..Every time you are seen out, they take a quick glance at your belly….Very quick look but you notice….because you already know what they are thinking…..
Some people will start to give up on you and others start wondering what possible suggestions exist….Perhaps your Darling Husband (DH) should find another woman who can conceive (After all, the problem must be you)….I have actually met women who were told they must be MEN because only men can’t have babies….!!!! Now how mean can people get? And the strange this is that women are usually the ones that make these mean comments……Now luckily, no one has made this comment to me…Thank God for that because I am not sure I can be trusted to compose a good response…I just might explode….
Infertility is a gift that keeps on giving….the people struggling have to deal with the situation itself and also hear ignorant comments from outsiders who feel they have a right to comment and ask questions…The next time asks me when I am planning to have a baby, I just might say,….I don’t know, why don't you tell me?….
I would love to hear the awkward silence that follows……
Have you had annoying questions directed at you about infertility? How do you handle it? What comments have you made in response that you feel were helpful?
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